You are Amazing!

Sometimes it's easy to forget that you are amazing! Especially if that is not what you see when you look in the mirror.

Have you ever had those moments where you think "I am amazing!" and then a few seconds later all the ways in which you are not amazing come rushing in?

Why is it so much easier to believe that you aren't amazing? Well that's your default isn't it; "I am imperfect therefore I am not worthy of praise" Or worthy of anything except punishment.

It is hard to change this way of thinking, it takes a real effort on your part to

1. Interrupt the negative thoughts!

   • When you stop them in their tracks it becomes easier to change your beliefs

2. Change the way you see yourself

   • You are not bad and you don't deserve punishment

3. See the goodness in you

   • no you aren't perfect (no one is) but there are so many amazing qualities you do possess.

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Okay, so I have just given you another thing to do!

Yeah, sorry about that! Well, I'm not really sorry.

It might look like more to do, but actually it is doing less! Thinking less, expecting less, judging yourself less. The real problem is that you are so busy trying to be more, do more, feel more loved and accepted, that you are not seeing the REAL YOU!

The you that is amazing, the you that is worthy of love and acceptance even when you are not performing! Also, the you that is judging and rejecting you!

You are flawed, you are imperfect, you are human! That makes you worthy of all the love and acceptance in the world!

All the love and acceptance you can handle, which currently is not all that much!

When you feel like you don't deserve love you can't actually feel the love that is already there, and then you start rejecting others the way you reject yourself and the way you fear they will reject you. When you project your fears of abandonment and judgement onto everyone else you are creating this barrier around you, this wall that deflects any love coming your way. Your body and mind cannot accept love because it isn't used to it.

Love, unearned and unconditional love, feels unsafe and unnatural.

It starts with you! It starts with loving yourself, when you are "perfect" and when you're not.

How can you love an imperfect version of yourself?

When you grow up learning that perfection is the ONLY way to receive love, acceptance and praise it can be hard to let yourself believe that imperfection is acceptable. It is even harder to believe that perfection is not real, trust me I know! It took me months of working with my cognitive behavioural therapist to wrap my head around that concept. But once it clicked I could feel stress melting away, I could feel myself becoming more accepting of myself (and others), I could finally breathe!!

However, misery loves company and perfectionism makes you miserable. It makes you feel like nothing you do is ever enough. It forces you to see yourself in a negative way and then assume that the whole world sees you that way. It floods your body with stress hormones; cortisol, adrenaline, and noradrenaline, which in small amounts are great but when you are under constant scrutiny you are in a state of chronic stress. That means those stress hormones are constantly being released into your body and you are constantly in survival mode.

This means that fear is the main driver in your life, not love. You have been shown that love is conditional on how you perform and what you do for others. But this is not true! This does not have to be true for you any longer.

Making the choice to heal or change is hard, you don't know what will happen and that can cause a lot of anxiety. This is why working with a therapist and/or coach is so important. You need the support from someone who is on your side, someone who is not expecting anything in return, and especially not expecting perfection!

One way to start is to acknowledge how it feels in your body and mind when you have done something you think is perfect vs. imperfect. What do you say to yourself, what do you imagine others saying to you? How do you judge yourself and whose voice are you using?

Explore the thoughts you have around perfection and your worth. How tied up are they with each other?

It is through profound self awareness that you can create lasting change! If you want to break free of the grip perfectionism has on you it takes work, but it is worth it! The good news is that you would have created new neural pathways that allow you to remind yourself how incredible and worthy you are, then it becomes natural.

You will start to feel it in your body, mind and deep in your soul. You will know without question that YOU ARE AMAZING!

You won't feel bad praising yourself, or rush to think of all the ways you aren't amazing. You won't feel like you have to justify it or bring evidence. You can tell yourself you are amazing, you can tell other people that you are amazing and they will agree because you are!

There is so much strength in you that you were never allowed to recognise. You were told to stay small, stay in the little box, stay dull and lifeless because when you shine it triggers people, people who have not been able to break free and shine too.

If you want to make a change in your life and finally be able to say you are amazing, start by taking the What's your Perfectionist Persona? quiz.

This quiz was designed to help you to gain a deeper understanding of how perfectionism controls your life, your actions, your behaviour, and your thoughts. Only through awareness can you begin to change.

There is also a free personalised Integration Guide that you can download after taking the quiz to get you started on your journey towards self actualisation.

Self actualisation is realising and fulfilling your potential. You cannot be fulfilled without self-awareness, creativity and deep self love. Perfectionism keeps pushing “fulfilment” further and further away as you do not feel safe, your needs are not met and you cannot be authentic. It is the "I'll be happy when" conundrum, because nothing feels like it is enough.

Self-actualisation is when you are authentically you; happy, fulfilled and free from the pressures of performing, over-giving, and chronic stress. When you develop a deep and profound awareness of who you are, why you are that way, and who you want to be, you can create lasting changes. You can express yourself, be creative, be adventurous, be fully you and love yourself so deeply that it won't matter to you if something is "imperfect". You will finally see that to be imperfect is to be human, and you are not a robot! (Even AI makes mistakes!!)

Be radically loving towards yourself!