How do you see yourself?

Perfectionists rarely see themselves as perfect. They can say something they have done or achieved is perfect. But that feeling is fleeting. There is always the next goal, the next milestone, or the next load of laundry to put away! Nothing stays perfect, because perfection was not meant to be attainable.

Perfection is something we were taught to strive for; be the best student, be the best at your hobbies, be the best at your job, have the best car, have the cleanest house, be the most presentable, kind and helpful person... the list goes on!

How do you see yourself? Why don't you see yourself perfect? Why do you only see all the worst parts of yourself?

Perfectionism taught you that you need to find ALL flaws and "fix" them, you need to be the perfect person and that can change depending on who you are with. Perfectionism taught you that NOTHING is good enough.

This is the reason you feel unworthy, even though you work hard at everything you do. Even when every part of yourself is meticulously put together. Even if other people told you that you're perfect, or clean, or organised, or good at something. You just cannot believe it because perfectionism taught you the biggest lie:

Nothing you do will ever be enough!

Perfectionism shows up in different ways, no two perfectionists are alike. This is another way you can tell that perfection is not real. You might be striving for perfection by looking like you are perfect and have all your shit together. You might be people pleasing your way to perfect. You might burnout and procrastinate trying to achieve perfect. You might be anxious and depressed because you spend so much time analysing and correcting yourself, ruminating and berating yourself for your past "failures".

This is what led me to create the "What's your Perfectionist Persona?" quiz.

These are the seven Perfectionist Personas

Each of these seven personas see themselves differently. They see their roles in other people's lives differently. They strive for perfection differently. Yet, there are many similarities; the root cause of their behaviours, the feelings of unworthiness, the fears of judgement and rejection etc.

So how do you see yourself?

How do you think other people see you?

Do you think you know who you are underneath all that striving for perfection? Do you see the real you or just the flaws? Do you see yourself as a burden?

Unfortunately, perfectionism stops you from seeing not only yourself, but other people too. You do not see yourself how other people really see you. The fears of rejection, judgement, failure. can really skew your beliefs about yourself. Then you project onto others the thoughts you have about yourself. Feeling that they are judging you and will abandon you if they saw these so-called imperfections.

You are judging and rejecting yourself all the time.

The call is coming from inside the house!

You anticipate other people's needs and moods, you make it your responsibility to keep people happy, comfortable, and fulfilled. You think that if someone saw you looking less than perfect, they will be disgusted, because you feel that anything less than perfection in yourself is disgusting.

None of this is your fault, you did not choose to be a perfectionist and criticise yourself constantly. You were taught that the ONLY way you can be good enough, acceptable, successful, worthy, was by being the best, by being perfect, by working hard and looking your best at all times.

You were taught all of this as a child and it was reinforced consistently through your parents, your family, school, work, the media. As a girl you saw how women are scrutinised and so as a woman you scrutinise yourself.

All of this benefits capitalism; buy more things, better things, the latest things, buy this skincare, have this procedure done, work hard and get a good job and work hard to get promoted and still be told you aren't good enough.

All of this benefits the patriarchy; be the perfect woman, kind, beautiful, successful but not too successful, nice clothes but not too nice or too revealing or too modest, keep a clean house, raise your kids right. Basically the speech from Barbie:

"It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong. You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault. I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know."

https://youtu.be/hAAskAiWOH4 

I know all women relate to this, not just perfectionists, but this is what we are being told throughout our lives and I can see so many women trying to change, trying to not let this be their norm, trying not to teach their daughters, nieces, or granddaughters the same shit!

And at the same time I see women holding up the patriarchy, taking away women's rights and autonomy, vilifying women for being themselves. I see how body dysmorphia is being made to look "cool" again, why is everybody so fucking thin!!

I see so much suffering in women and I know that if I had not had the opportunity to break free from the grip perfectionism had on me I would be right there suffering too.

This is why I do what I do, so I can help people break free of this nonsense. So I can help people be themselves, authentically, because it is so fucking freeing!

I know you did not choose to be like this but I also know that you can choose to make a change!

You can choose to start unlearning the beliefs that keep you performing perfectionism. You can choose to no longer want to be "the perfect woman" for everyone else but yourself. You can choose to say "Fuck You" to capitalism and the patriarchy! Because being anything other than what you have been forced to be is an act of defiance, rebellion, and Radical Self-love!

How can you start to choose differently?

Take the quiz to find out your Perfectionism Persona and start to learn more about how perfectionism shows up in your life. Becoming aware of your beliefs, patterns, and fears will help you to see how you have been conditioned.

Don't let perfectionism win anymore. You are worth much more than that!!