Do you really know yourself?

When you are getting to know somebody new you put in the effort to really get to know them. Asking questions, spending quality time with them, listening to and validating their thoughts, emotions and experiences. Being a good friend and having a good relationship requires effort, understanding and compassion.

Healthy communication is important, feeling like you are able to share, be seen and heard, be safe with them as they are with you.

Sounds like a wonderful relationship right?!

What if you could build that kind of relationship with yourself? How would that feel? How would your life change? How well do you really know yourself?

The process of self awareness allows you to get to know yourself in such a deep and meaningful way. Developing a connection with yourself fosters a more compassionate relationship as you will begin to piece together the key moments of your life. Your achievements are not all that makes you!

Through self exploration you can understand your childhood, the traumas you went through, the things you were taught - like perfectionism, like putting everyone's needs above your own, like not asking for help or resting because that would have led to consequences!

This helps you to see yourself in a new light, less like a failure and more like the resilient star that you are! The reasons you behave in the way you do are a result of the limiting beliefs, programming and traumas that you faced. We have all faced traumas in our life, the difference comes when people are unable to process and move through the trauma! This keeps the emotions, the pain and the blame in our bodies, in our minds and our nervous system becomes accustomed to living in that "fight or flight" state!

These survival mechanisms enable you to protect yourself from perceived danger, however when you are not regulated, you are not processing your emotions in a healthy way, and therefore you remain in survival mode!

When you develop self awareness through self communication, observation and curiosity you start to see how past events have led to you being in constant survival mode!

Without creating safety in your life you cannot leave survival mode!

But how do we do this? What exactly does safety feel like? If you have been in survival mode for most of (if not all) your life then you have no reference point for "safety in your body". You can't imagine it because it is alien to you.

Safety = Regulated Nervous System

That is what the aim is; regulate the nervous system to move out of the "fight or flight" sympathetic nervous system and activate the "rest and digest" parasympathetic nervous system.

This takes us back to self awareness! When we are aware of our emotions, our thoughts - positive and negative, our fears, we can start to self soothe. We can create moments of calmness and clarity. We can step out of the Procrastination-Burnout cycle, stop trying to be so perfect and meet our own needs! Such as our needs for rest.

Journaling helps you to explore your thoughts and feelings, allows you to discuss (with yourself) painful and traumatic moments in your life - having a coach and/or therapist to help you through any triggers that will come up is a massive bonus here.

Meditation/mindfulness/prayer/gratitude allow you to calm the mind, get in touch with your sensations and connect to something bigger than yourself - even if you aren't religious. It is important to spend time doing this, it doesn't have to be silent or still, there are great guided meditations and walking meditations that you can use to help you. You are not trying to stop thinking all together, just letting the thoughts come and go, allow your concentration to be on your breathing or other sensory input.

Emotional intelligence is more than being able to name your feelings, however this is a great place to start - check the wheel of feelings to help you to pinpoint and name your emotions. Become aware of how the different emotions feel in your body, when you are stressed do you feel breathless or shoulder tension? When you are happy do you feel lightness, where is that feeling? Exploring the physical sensations associated with your emotions will help you become aware of how you feel much quicker.

The Wheel of Feelings

Self awareness is so much more than just being your own friend but that is the place to start!

Find out your likes and dislikes, explore who you are as a person without anyone else's influence. People pleasers rarely know themselves on this level because they bend to everyone else's desires. Instead of compromising you just give in to what other people want and like. So who are you?

Describe yourself, write down your dreams and goals, think about what they were when you were younger, when did they change, why did they change? Think about the hobbies you have, do you enjoy them, have you always wanted to try something but perfectionism has stopped you? Explore different creative outlets and find what you love. Try new things just to see if it is for you.

Try this exercise below to help you to do this in a more fun and creative way!

Try the exercise in this caption

Keep an open mind and curious nature about yourself - tap into that youthful playfulness to make self awareness something that you're excited about. If it feels like work then it will be work!

Remember to be kind to yourself and take a break when you need to, self awareness does not happen overnight. We are always changing and learning new things about ourselves. Reach out to a therapist and/or a coach who can help you to process all this new information - to help you to let go of the limiting beliefs and programming, guide you to regulate your nervous system and create new neural pathways that focus on love and acceptance not perfectionism!

Change is hard and it is okay to ask for help.