Self love and self care are not the same thing, self care is part of self love, but self love embodies so much more. Real, deep self love encompasses all of you; mind, body and soul. When you are in love with someone, oxytocin is released, which also happens when that someone is you. Oxytocin is associated with greater empathy, trust, safety and compassion. These feelings can decrease cortisol, thereby reducing stress, and then your immune system gets stronger, your body and mind become stronger. You start to heal!
Loving yourself through all your flaws, mistakes and health conditions is not easy. But you are not flawed, you are unique. Your mistakes have made you who you are, you have grown wiser and stronger because of them. Your health conditions, be they mental or physical, do not define you! They are there to help you to grow into the person you are meant to be, they are there to teach you how to love and accept yourself, how to heal yourself and how not to live yourself solely for others.
Realising all of this is the first step to an amazing relationship with yourself, one that will only get stronger. But it is hard to begin, especially if you have spent a long time not loving yourself, judging and criticising yourself. Seeing yourself only in a negative light is so much easier than self love. But getting stuck in this pattern of setting yourself the highest of expectations and then tearing yourself down when you don’t meet them is not conducive to your mental or physical health. In fact, it is only making you sicker!
So how do you get out of this pattern?
Firstly, don’t set yourself impossible standards and expect perfection from yourself, perfection is not real!
Don’t be so derisive towards yourself, stop saying awful things about yourself, stop thinking that you are the only weird person in the world. Being normal is like being perfect, it is unattainable and intangible! Instead, find out who you are, what are your likes and dislikes, what are you most proud of, who are you at your core, underneath all the bullshit that society expects you to be!
Stop being a people pleaser! Now this is a tough one! Meeting everyone else’s needs but your own will only lead to burnout and self neglect. Start to set boundaries, start small because it will be difficult at first.
Reparent yourself and learn to self soothe. Physical touch increases oxytocin and reduces cortisol, this leads to a deeper connection with yourself. Simple acts such as combing your hair, putting on lotion, washing your face, body, hair and even cutting your nails can be soothing and loving. When doing these, be really mindful about what you are touching and how it feels to be touched.
Be gentle and loving with yourself everyday and the amount of self love within you will increase over time. Just like with all healing, this doesn’t happen overnight, it takes real work and constant consideration for who you are and what your needs are, how you feel and how you want to feel. Explore and get to know yourself, like you would with any friend.
