Today was the first day in 10 and a half years that I didn't take any medication in the morning!
That feels big, massively exciting and ridiculously terrifying!
I am still taking one tablet in the evening and, if all goes to plan, in 2 weeks I will be off the medication COMPLETELY!
Why is this terrifying?
Well, 10 and a half years is a really long time, so much of my life changed. I had to change, I changed because I was sick and then changed because I was sick of being sick!
So who the fuck am I now? And who will I be without the drugs? I feel like I am falling from an unknown height, for an unknown amount of time, to an unknown destination.
The fear of the unknown is strong right now! I feel excited and proud of myself of course, yet I can't shake this fear and anxiety off.
I remember 3 years ago when I began my healing journey I asked myself "Who am I if I am not chronically sick?" How overwhelming a simple question can be. Overwhelming and exhilarating. Because the answer is quite simple - you are whoever the fuck you want to be!
So I ask you today, who do you want to be? How would you like your life to look? Do you want to take medication to manage your symptoms or do you want to grab life by the balls and heal the deep underlying root causes for the symptoms?
3 years ago I said I want to be "drug free in '23"
I am almost there.
I haven't forced myself to get here, I haven't ignored my body or my doctor, I haven't been cruel to be kind. I have been taking care of myself, my body, my needs. I have been putting in the work. I am putting in the work and I am resting, I am giving myself what I need and asking for help when I need it. I have been shedding limiting beliefs that have been keeping me stuck in victim mode, stuck as a perfectionist-people pleaser, stuck in chronic sickness and depression.
Once again I am breaking free of societal expectations and limitations, I am not a problem to throw pills at. I am a human, a complex, beautiful, strong, wilful, exceptional woman and I will not be held back by anyone else, not even myself, ever again!!
Now, I feel less anxious and scared. Sometimes the realisation of just how amazing you are can be what shakes you out of anxiety.
So remind yourself, daily, YOU ARE AMAZING!
And you can do and be anything you fucking want.
Thank you for reading this x